caution....extreme whining to follow

Why is it that the very day I decide I can do this I get kicked in the teeth? I finally got up the nerve to accept a job (paid!) and went in with all the confidence in the world (for me that means not throwing up) and I pretty much stunk the place up. ARGHHHH...I just want to crawl in a hole somewhere and cry...
....and this morning I was driving thru town thinking I couldn't wait to get thru this trial and get to the other side so I could make sure NO other person had to go thru the frustration and agony (ok, slight exaggeration, but that’s how it feels) I actually thought I was having an aha moment, that I could help other photographers who were surely going to be going down this same road...but then I thought, why does any of us have to go thru it?

I can take good pictures...I know I can...so why is it that when I need to...when it’s crunch time...I screw it up??? And the thing is...I don’t know WHY...I don’t know what I’m doing wrong (or even if) so I can’t fix it. I have asked everyone who will listen (believe me, my DH has gotten an earful) and I’m sure by now I’m on a couple blocked email lists. I read, I practice, I ask questions and the very things I think I have a handle on seem to change the minute I pick up the camera. Not to mention that focus...FOCUS for gosh sake...the thing that should be easy, the thing I never even thought about when I was shooting film...suddenly is my biggest issue.

I've even sent my entire set-up to Canon and they found a couple of minor problems and fixed them…or so they said. So, now it’s squarely in the user error camp...it’s MY fault. I just want to pull my hair out! .....if it helps, I am trying to find the Lords hand in all this...feeling a bit like I’m looking for Waldo.... but I do have hope!

.....to be continued (hopefully there will be a happy ending and I can impart wisdom upon the masses...for now I’m just pissed)