Crazy?

For a good tree bringeth not forth corrupt fruit, neither doth a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
Luke 6:43

Am I the good tree or the corrupt tree? Is it possible to read a nasty email and just toss it aside? Do I regard it as the irrational rantings of a delusional personality or do I internalize what has been said and let it eat me up? How can someone be so totally off base, and if she’s not…then I am. Who’s right here, who’s wrong? How can I doubt what I know in my heart to be true? And yet I do… I sit here sick to my stomach from reading vicious lies…or are they? Does it mean I have no confidence in my reality….one of us has to be off….way off….and though I think it’s not me...maybe my feeling like crap is guilt or maybe it’s just that it hurts to have someone hate me so much. Why is that? Why do I care? Why does it bother me that she doesn’t like me? I know I am not this person she despises….for heavens sake, even I wouldn’t like the creature she has conjured up in her mind. I’m so tired of getting beat up and I’m tired of doing the right thing (and sometimes the wrong thing). I don’t have the strength . What is going on here? What is the lesson?