I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about fairness and working things out with adults who have different realities (yes, this is basically about my relatives :) Regrettably it seems, I have a innate need to see things made right; to look for a solution to every issue and make an attempt at reconciliation. I may not always be the first to pick up the phone but to me it is vital in any disagreement to be willing to at least TRY.
When seemingly mature adults refuse to sit down and talk....I become slightly suspicious of their motives. Do they truly have no interest in making peace or will talking expose their lies, their subterfuge, their shame? Will talking force them into seeing their missteps, and therefore hinder their tendency to color the situation in their favor? Have they become so comfortable in their role as victim that they simply cannot let go and play fair? Is this why it is to be avoided at all costs?
I know that owning your mistakes is a difficult thing to do. I've made enough bad choices to know that I am not immune to the propensity to avoid accepting my own stupidity. But the peace of mind that results from taking responsibility, the huge weight that can be lifted by simply admitting to being a jerk on occasion... talk about a peace that passes all understanding. Facing the problem may be hard, but running from it is even harder.
My sis and I have had our fights, so have my Mom and I. But I so love them both...and my world is a better place with them in it. News flash, they are not perfect....news flash, NEITHER AM I. I need to forgive them if only so that they will be quick to forgive me....probably much more often than the former.
Why would anyone want to live in constant turmoil and judgement? It just seems a lousy way to get up every morning. I know, because I've been there and I don't like it...at all.
I much prefer peace....I much prefer truth...even when it hurts.
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3 comments:
Good words, dear. Is does seem to be a better place when searching for truth, but not always easy.
SOH
I prefer the truth too, however it seems truth can sometimes be personal, because your truth is your experience and your experience is based on your perception. Last saturday night I stayed up with an old friend I hadn't talked to in 3 years. We were livid at each other, and most of his anger came simply because I was angry at him and he didn't know why. I assumed there was no way he couldn't know why I was so upset, but truley he just didn't see thing from where I was coming from. In addition, he thought I should've known better to have made the choices I made, when truley I didn't know better. We each had bits and pieces of information that we should've shared...aka communicated and maybe we would've seen eye to eye. We just weren't ready...
Absolutely, the truth of any situation is subjective to us mere mortals, that's why the need to COMMUNICATE is so vital. It is so much easier to build mountains out of mole hills when you aren't talking to one another. I truly believe that as long as you keep the lines of communication open, resolution is possible. I can be absolutely pissed off at someone when all I am listening to is myself condemning them for their 'sins'...but as soon as I have to face them, I find my heart opening up to forgiveness and compassion. I'm just frustrated when people refuse to sit down and deal with whatever it is that is bothering them....heck, maybe I'll actually apologize to you if you let me know where I screwed up :)
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