Friday, May 16, 2008

Crazy?


For a good tree bringeth not forth corrupt fruit, neither doth a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
Luke 6:43



Am I the good tree or the corrupt tree? Is it possible to read a nasty email and just toss it aside? Do I regard it as the irrational rantings of a delusional personality or do I internalize what has been said and let it eat me up? How can someone be so totally off base, and if she’s not…then I am. Who’s right here, who’s wrong? How can I doubt what I know in my heart to be true? And yet I do… I sit here sick to my stomach from reading vicious lies…or are they? Does it mean I have no confidence in my reality….one of us has to be off….way off….and though I think it’s not me...maybe my feeling like crap is guilt or maybe it’s just that it hurts to have someone hate me so much. Why is that? Why do I care? Why does it bother me that she doesn’t like me? I know I am not this person she despises….for heavens sake, even I wouldn’t like the creature she has conjured up in her mind. I’m so tired of getting beat up and I’m tired of doing the right thing (and sometimes the wrong thing). I don’t have the strength . What is going on here? What is the lesson?


7 comments:

Tesa said...

I think sometimes we just need to walk away and pray!!!!!! Sometimes there is nothing we can do and even if we try to DO ANYTHING its never enough, bla bla you get the pic....

The best thing to do Meg would be to stop contact and pray....let Jesus be in control. We must love each other as we are all brothers and sisters in Christ but it doesnt say anywhere we need to take abuse from toxic people!

Good luck and I'm praying for you megypo :)

it wasn't me said...

I'm so sorry about what you're going through Maureen. I wanted you to know I love you.

Maureen said...

thanks SO much Tesa...I really appreciate your prayers...make it fast!!! :)

It's just so hard to admit that there isn't anything I can do here, to her I will always be the bad guy and I need to accept that. I need to stop trying to 'fix' things... you're right, I need to let it go.

and sis, you know I count on your loving me...I depend on your support...and I expect you to leave dog poop on her doorstep.

ThisJane said...

It means you're a person of love. It means you feel and you allow yourself to. It means...you don't give up on the process of living...the very fact that you said its hurting you....that's as real and honest and good as it gets. Go with your spirit...

Maureen said...

Thanks Jame....will you be my friend?

lunatic said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maureen said...

LOL....seriously tho, I have the dog poop.....